My Dad is the Greatest

I think it’s generally true that most children think their parents are likely the greatest parents on the planet. Now, this can change as they grow up; during adolescence SOME kids will consider their parents to be the lamest, most strict, and boring parents on the planet. Not so in my case; my adolescent kids know that I am not lame, strict, boring or any other way uncool or uncouth.

I have two boys: 14 and 16 years old. My wife has often described herself as a single mother of three - I’m just one of the boys, getting into trouble for not cleaning up, watching stupid TV shows (Wilfred, Tosh, Workaholics), acting retarded (we do this frequently in our household), and participating in (or encouraging) various food consumption contests such as the cinnamon swallow, pepper snorting, leap-for-meat and the standard food-toss-into-my-mouth game. From my kids’ perspective, I’m probably one of the greatest dads on the planet - and I’m invincible. At least that’s what they thought until the saw me in the ER room.

I had given specific instructions to my wife and neighbors to let the boys play their scrimmage as I was being loaded into the ambulance a few hours earlier - wait until after the event to tell them what was going on and explain why mom and dad weren’t at the football field. Dave and Jacqueline (our friends and neighbors) would be the official transporters of the kids from field to home to the hospital. According to Jacqueline and Dave, the kids both played well but did look up in the stands a few times with puzzled looks on their faces. Someone had told the coach already so he could pull them aside - your dad’s in the hospital; he was rushed their by ambulance; no one’s sure what it is. They were shocked. They got a few hugs from other players and were rushed home to clean up. Kyle apparently just sat on the stairs and said nothing; Alex who normally takes showers in the 45 minute range was in and out of the shower in less than a minute.

It must have been right around 2pm when Alex and Kyle showed up in the ER. The intense emotional pain I felt was the most difficult part of entire ordeal. My symptoms were mostly unresolved - no movement in my left arm, face droop, inebriated speech, probably some drool as well. Both kids were choked up and crying. I tried to apologize for my state as I choked back tears myself. My voice was part Scooby Doo and part sniveling toddler. I remember trying to explain what I knew about my medical condition; it didn’t help. Dad was no longer invincible. Telling your kids you’ve just had a stroke and might have bleeding in the back of your brain should rank near the top of “worst experiences in life”.